How Do I Get Her Back
Everything seemed to be going well, and then all of a sudden, she’s gone. Out of your life and you’re left wondering did you do something wrong? Why won’t she text back? Most people will tell you that she wasn’t the one, or some other useless piece of vague advice. I’m here to tell you that it probably was your fault, and if you don’t fix these issues, this will happen again.
I recognize that this is a common problem that young men are dealing with. I get this DM on Twitter often enough, that it deserves a blog post.
Why Did She Leave Me?
Did you stop doing all the things that made her attracted to you in the first place? You became so enamored in her, that you wanted to make her happy. Happy wife, happy life, right? That’s what they say.
I’m here to tell you that you’ve fallen prey to social programming and it’s made you soft. Society will tell you lots of lies, like to eat 11 servings of bread every day, and that you’ll never have a calculator in your pocket. Here’s a big lie. Women want you to be vulnerable. This is dangerous. If you’ve ever opened up a little too much emotionally, you’ll find out that most women don’t mean what they say here. They’ll lose respect for you and see your lack of emotional control as weakness.
Another lie society tells you is to be a nice guy. If you think all you have to do to further your genetic lineage, is to be a nice guy, you must think the bar is pretty fucking low. That’s like walking into a job interview and telling the employer that you’re a hard worker. You need to find a way to stand out. Show her some excitement and prove that you are competent in protecting and providing for her. You can’t wipe out thousands of years of genetic programming that easily.
What You Stopped Doing
Do you remember before you settled down, how you had an interesting life. You went to the house of iron religiously. You would spend part of the weekend with your buddies, having fun, drinking at clubs, kayaking or working out. Your girlfriend would often fight for your attention. Your hobbies made you interesting to her, even though she was annoyed you weren’t spending those hours with her. By not being too readily available, you became desirable.
She was happy to have a little distance so she could have the opportunity to miss you. I see too many guys obsess over their girl and shower her with attention. If this is you, you are suffocating her. She began to take you for granted, because she felt like you would always be there. She no longer had to fight for your attention.
Where you once forced to go to the gym and stay active to stay attractive for a competitive dating market, you let yourself go. Your steady access to sex has made you soft and now you likely are beginning to lose that spark. This is when that cliché phrase “We grew apart” starts to be said. Did you grow apart or grow a new waist size?
“If you find your girl slowly losing interest in you and touching you less, hit the gym. Getting back in shape is a surefire way to rekindle the flame. Watch your girl swoon and caress your bigger muscles.”
The world wants you to be comfortable, weak and easily manipulated. Men commonly fall into this trap when they get married. They swap out the nights of clubbing and adventure for staying in to watch Netflix. No one ever told you that you couldn’t take your wife out for a night on the town or something more exciting than streaming reruns. Act like you still care, and maybe you’ll find that spark again.
Maintain your physique and update your wardrobe. Those who stagnate, are rolling the dice with their future. No fault divorce is on the rise, and simply being boring is the worst thing you can do. Do not allow yourself to fall into the trap of boring middle aged man.
What You Started Doing
Your typical weekend now revolves around watching sportsball on the couch with a steady flow of lite beer and overly processed snacks. The human body did not evolve over thousands of years to sit on a couch eating Doritos. The occasional game is fine, but you should find time for your own exercise too. This is much more fulfilling that watching other people exercise.
You used to struggle to survive on a steady diet of beer, takeout and frozen food as a bachelor. You likely skipped a few meals in your accidental fasting. Now you have a sweet woman cooking amazing homemade meals and fattening you up like you’re Hansel & Gretel.
What Can You Do Now?
You need to become desirable again. The best salesmen understand that a limited time offer is more effective than something that will always be available. Constant availability leads to procrastination and often lack of desire. Yet the typical guy who struggles with women thinks his best chances come from merely being around the person they like. These guys are called beta orbiters, and they are the definition of insanity personified in the dating world.
If this describes you, then you need to learn be more decisive. By not making an obvious approach you’re defending your ego from being turned down. You’re also putting your life on hold. While you spend weeks, months, or Odin forbid, years waiting to make your move, you are missing out on friends, hobbies and a better girl who is actually interested in you.
I know you want me to tell you how to get her back. Honestly though, if you improve to the point where she will take you back, are you really going to crawl back like an obedient little puppy? It’s hard to win back respect when you allow yourself to be treated this way.
And as a man, can you respect yourself if you allow yourself to take her back? How many guys has she slept with since she left you? What kind of precedent are you setting if you tell a girl she can leave you, go have fun with Mr. Exciting, and then come back as she pleases? I’m warning you that if you do this, you are setting yourself up for a repeat event.
The Young Man’s Handbook
And if she cheated on you, and you took her back, she will never respect you. She will see you as a desperate and lonely shell of a man who doesn’t stand up for himself. She will assume she can get away with this behavior again, if only on a subconscious level. In economics, the term for this is moral hazard.
If you’ve allowed yourself to become Mr. Boring, take the advice I dole out in this book to reinvent yourself. Become Mr. Exciting and attract girls into your life. Reclaim Your Manhood